cupid love

1ST AUGUST 2009 - diary

i can't never understand love. as much as i want to. nor want to find the logic now. i denied i need one without knowing i searched love in silence.

love is unknown to me. period.

i have not expressing feelings lately.

i had fever. i suffered. there and then, i knew i require someone. i miss love - clueless of how it suppose to feel.

but i loath the jerks so i stop being intimate.

i prefer obscene

12 JUNE 2009 - diary

i need to blog. for unknown reason.

i miss mr sunshine. becos? he's POYO.
yes, i love someone with sense of humor.

i miss mr puppy. why? since he's my best girlfriend.
who can make myself feels true.
i can tell my darkest secrets and i know he can keep it well.
proof? simple. he was the devil. playing with sins once.
we can talk kinky without being horny and laugh about it later.
yes, we did. surprise kan? :P

they are the ingredients who complete the dishes.
good friends who i can counts on.
i like them.

i don't share that much to people.
most of the time, i don't feel like one.
at times, i still don't share much.
i blog.

this blog to my surprised known by some people already.
some i never expected.
i try to keep it very2 obscene.
so it'll be easy to bitch about people.
so i can share my darkest moments.
so, i can be dumb and not to be ashamed of it.
so i can be boring without peoples bitching.

i suppose that part, will stay in draft for the time-being.

ramadhan blessing - I SPOILED IT

i'm half naked. covering by towel. woops

yesterday wasn't that good. my heart ached. the reason was simple. breakfasting dinner with family's brother was canceled because i fell asleep. silly, silly! and i mourned, devastated imagining how the house would be with my nephews running around pretending as they kononnya fasting too. ramadhan reminds me so much of family. without family, i feel the absence of ramadhan's joy. what to do. i was the one who messed things up. i lost the mood to break fast later. luckily, my friends bought me foods so i reluctantly escape starving.

why i should go to the gym

tomorrow the last day - eating

its fasting month starting saturday. and i still haven't touch the gym.

i plan to work out during ramadhan.
possibly at night.
if only my education do not requires me that much.

why i do gym?

simple.

- to have a figure as drew barrymore and a leg like rihanna.
- to look freaking HOTTSZ :P nolah, cantik would be just nice.
- fashion is what i am passionate on. to certain limits - i'm addicted.
reducing some pounds gives me varieties of clothes to wear,
without being insecure.
- simply to forget certain things.
- stress treatment
- to feel as i'm still in the zone of being with the crowd, socializing.
despite the busyness
- so that when i'm in a date or being match-make, i would be flirtatious
enough to show off. haha does that counts? :P

that explains few

THE ENDING OF A FAIRYTALE

broken up, arguing, workloads, facing annoying people.

i have enough of stupid arguments. i don't intend to deal and repair it.

if it means it has to end- than be it. how sad it can be.. i am heartless to care.

thinking is the last thing i would love doing - THATS IT.

to whoever i care before, i still care BUT i dont intend to try being close so that i would satisfied you. i let it FLOWS and if there aren't any - there wont be one.

again, I AM NUMB and CRASHED

vanishing - as much as i wish to

if i have to choose between burdening others or being alone and in difficulties, i would choose the second. tho it means i have to face great danger for being brave. i'm used of the word - independent and handling things my own way.

guidance? i guide myself.

07.08.2009 - i married you before him :P

it's 7.08.2009. i was laying on my bed thinking of the previous years. way back.

i was 10. i saw a new student came, with her rough act and a bold attitude. i would consider her as a non-famous student, living in her own world with her friends. she was feared by most of the students. she sat behind me, so we became friends afterward. i'm not keen to know her nor to avoid her. biasa2 je. the bonding became closer from one day to another. we became good playmate friends. at the age of 12, everyone flew everywhere to another important stage in our life - high school. so as us. we stopped there.

matric in my 18. orientation week. i was with wanadia (ex-primary schoolmate). someone unfamiliar sat behind me.. again. IT WAS ILI! the same feeling - biasa2 je. the bonding was created as before. one stage to the other. in between those moments, from 18-22, many things happened. tears, joys - its all combined.

we are 22!
we become bestfriends and she's getting married... TODAY!
it is fast.. too fast. yesterday, she was a young rough kid with bold gangster look. today, she's a swan angel with wings.. time flies so fast and i miss those moments. we reckon, our mad days was stupid at one point. very. however, it was contradict. i must say it was what we missed, we shared and we laughed on. i don't wish to rewind but aiming for upcoming years plainly because our time is still ticking :)

happy newlyweds nur ili abdul rashid! i love you

GIRL FRIEND

my CB girl

my confidant
my "it's okay. do whatever you want"
my cozziness and at ease
my best girlfriend

i cherished our moments. it was simple, short yet memorable.

- i always love our girls talk-